by: Jennifer Rook
I must be getting old. Whenever Friday rolls around anymore I'm spent! That's when I splurge on the Friday night pizza special, park the kids in front of a movie, grab the laptop, hit the couch and let my fingers fly. The internet is sure to entertain me and inevitably I'll land on Facebook. Oh Facebook! How I love her. Facebook is always there, filled with messages from my friends, cyber crops to harvest, villages to build, games galore, and links to the world abroad. Ahhhh yeah! Facebook never fails to bring the laughter or the pain.
I love Facebook, but I'll admit I have blocked most of the games and refuse to while away the hours conferrin' with the cyber flowers of Farmville, but what I DO love is keeping up with all my friends. What better way to entertain myself on a sleepy Friday night than to intrude on people's lives and cyber stalk them as I lay around in my pjs and Snuggie?
I've got a LOT of Facebook friends. Yep, I'm one of THOSE people. Some may call me a "friend padder". You know…a schmoozer or a social butterfly. According to the number crunchers , whom I refer to as the losers in the big city who don't talk to many other people outside their cozy little cubicles, the average Facebook user has about 120 friends. LAME! Most people I know have many more than that but the number cruncher losers firmly believe that those who have over 1,000 friends are just showing off. Whatever! I have over 1,000 friends and I can legitimately say its people I actually know and enjoy having as Facebook friends. Also, no one can ever accuse me of not being entertained by Facebook. There are so many different kinds of 'posters', or Facebook friends, out there and I love them all. It makes life interesting. Here are a few examples;
The Motivational Quote Lovers- Ah yes, The Quoters. These are those folks who use their daily status to throw a gem of a quote out to the rest of us slackers who probably won't accomplish half as much as they do in a given day. Most of the quotes are actually great and do help inspire and motivate folks and help them rethink choices in their lives but COME ON! Some of those quotes are just dripping with cheese. For example, "I live in dew drops of faith - trickles of hope - rivers of power - seas of understanding - a world of wisdom - a life of abundance. All we require for a life of abundance is a seed of faith."
Ok, I'm pretty sure that someone somewhere is sweating his hinney off in a hot, little room for $3.00 an hour, generating all these cheesy quotes from a huge machine that takes all the good quotes and mashes them up together to produce moldy offerings such as this one. I think the Cheesy Quote Factory is right next door to the Chinese Fortune Cookie factory, in fact.
The Passive/Aggressive Fighters- This is where we actually get to see a marital spat or a fight between other friends played out before our very eyes on Facebook. Get the popcorn popping! These fights can get good.
Friend A posts, "Well, SOME ONE left the house unlocked again today. I hope we don't get robbed."
Friend B replies, "Well if they DO rob us I hope they don't steal SOME ONE'S precious new bag. Who spends $150 on a freakin' purse anyway?"
Then it's ON because Friend A is more than likely female and females will defend each other like a pride of lionesses, especially when a MAN starts dissing the accessories and commenting on how much money she spends on them. So the pride attacks. Clearly on their girlfriend's side. Fights like this can get ugly because everyone knows folks are far more brave and will more easily speak their mind in cyberspace and the lionesses take no prisoners when sticking up for one another. Of course, I might throw in a few comments against the lionesses, siding for the guy, just to keep fuel on the fire. Ultimately though, that poor, forgetful fool who didn't lock all the doors doesn't stand a chance does he? Always a good show!
The Obscure Comment Maker aka "The Venter"- Sometimes people like to use Facebook as a place just to vent. They don't want to tell you the whole story or the real reason they are mad. They just want to get something off their chest. "Well THAT was a waste of time!" or "Stupid #@%^^##@!". Always fun when cartoon swearing is added into a post! I like Venters. I think it's fun to coax info out of them on Facebook if I can. I don't REALLY want to make them feel better. Sometimes I'm just being nosey and want to get the lowdown so I can gossip about it with my own pride of lionesses later.
The Couple Who Needs to GET A ROOM- (in my best deep, mellow 70's DJ voice) "Aww yeah…this one goes out to all you lovers out there. " You've all seen them. This is the couple who wear their hearts on their monitors for the entire world to see. Get our your Schmoop Scoops! This stuff can get pretty deep sometimes.
"John Buck has the hottest wife on the planet. *wolf whistle* Yowsa, baby! Lookin' HOT tonight!" to which she'll reply "I love you, baby! You are my whole world! No one will ever take your place." What she doesn't say is "Unless, of course, you start making snide remarks about how much I spent at the salon today or until someone hotter comes along." because, unfortunately, this couple's divorce drama is often played out on Facebook as well. All of a sudden he sets his status as SINGLE and the rumors fly from there. Then come the posts trying to clear the air and oftentimes there is another good ol' fashioned cyber-fight for all to see. Good times, I tell you, good times!
The Too Much Information Sharer- How about when one of your Facebook friends posts vivid details about the latest colon cleanse they've decided to undergo.
"WOOOWEEE! You should've SEEN all the stuff that's been hidin' up in my colon for years!" Ummm…no. We should NOT ever see things like that and please, for the love of GOD, please! do NOT post pictures of it.
"I just had my boil lanced. Dang! That baby burst like a giant volcano when they dug into it!"
MRSA anyone? SHEESH!
Now, I personally don't enjoy those posts themselves, but I do love all the replies. I can just picture people gagging and squirming and becoming incensed and let's face it, everyone is a comedian and there are always a dozen or so hilarious replies to posts such as this.
See why I love Facebook? So much interaction, folks sharin' the love, fighting the good fight and releasing pent up thoughts from the darkest recesses of their minds that should probably stay pent up. But I love it! Good entertainment! See you on Facebook.
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