By: Angela Hanberg
Twas the night before Christmas and up at the Pole,
All the reindeer were cranky and tired and cold.
The elves all had blisters, the toys were half done
And the thought of the holiday has lost all it's fun.
Santa had had it, he'd about lost his mind.
The whole blasted schedule was running behind.
"Oh why oh why oh why me" he moaned.
"I never should have tried this alone."
See, since the beginning of time it's been the same
Santa huffs and puffs and goes over every name
Every year, making lists of the good and the bad
Thinking, 'Surely this time will be the best they've had.'
But every year, by hook or by crook,
The folks will complain when they don't get a Nook
Or an iPad or Kindle and sometimes it's worse
The grumble and mumble over a designer purse.
Chimney's are non-existent it seems,
And the ones that are left have surely not seen
Any type of a chimney sweep for many a year,
Poor Santa gets soot clear up to his ears.
Cookies and milk are the fav but you know,
This new-age health fad is starting to show.
Try as he might, Santa can't seem to gag
The kale and the tofu and the lettuce that sags.
But he tries, oh he tries, it's his job don't you know
To trudge through the deer droppings, ice, soot and snow
To deliver the gifts we insist that we get
(Cause you know if we don't we just might pitch a fit.)
Santa's work day begins January 1st and ends 357 days later on Christmas Eve. I don't know of any other employment in the entire world that requires 24/7 dedication with only one week off during the year. When he's not overseeing his crew of elves and the production of Christmas toys, he is keeping a close eye on each and every one of us and revising his list as he sees fit.
Because Santa believes in free range, the reindeer are allowed to roam freely through the town, eating and "releasing" wherever they see fit. Not a day goes by that Santa doesn't leave his house only to step in a big pile on his front walk.
You may or may not realize this, but elves are known for their tempers. Being the size of a typical toddler, they also have the attitude of one as well. Think of spending never-ending days with hundreds of elves pitching tantrums typical to the "Terrible Twos." Trying to keep up with the technical advances of the last 50 years, most times they cannot MAKE the toys and gifts that Santa delivers, so they spend a lot of the year traveling the world, looking for the best deals on the latest must-haves. Ever wonder why it's so hard to find that newest model of iPod a week before Christmas? Now you know! Elves have the sole responsibility of making sure the North Pole is stocked with these goodies, and NOBODY is in a good mood after spending that much time fighting the crowds in Walmart. We won't even mention the breakdowns that occur when someone changes their mind a week before Christmas...
This doesn't even start to cover all the rough parts of Santa's job, but when put to a vote, we decided that Santa Claus has most definitely got the dirtiest job of all. For more information, you can contact him by mail at Santa Claus; North Pole. Or you can also watch him on radar Christmas Eve night at http://www.noradsanta.org.
By: Shallin Squire
10. Eggnog (non-alcoholic, of course!) hits the shelves at the grocery stores.
Yes, I have noticed that the delectable liquid is becoming available earlier each year, but for some reason, it doesn't taste the same when poured from a carton with a witch on it, so I try to hold out on buying and consuming the high-calorie deliciousness until Christmastime. This year I discovered the vanilla spice and the sugar cookie flavors, and I'm convinced they are the preferred drink in heaven! Mmmmmm…
9. Kids counting down. You don't need an advent calendar if you're a mom or a school teacher because you'll be asked several times each day how many days (or "sleeps", as they are fondly called in some readers' homes) until the official day. As an adult, I love the season more than the day itself, but I don't mind the countdown. For some teachers, though, the excitement at Christmastime is practically tangible, and it's harder to tame than spring fever at the end of the school year!
8. "Wise men still seek Him." No offense intended to anyone of another or no religion, but like the wise men in the nativity story, my heart naturally seeks Christ at Christmastime. He is the center of Christmas in our home as we strive to better know Him and act as He would.
7. The dinosaur dons his Santa suit. Seven-year-old Garrison Spencer was thoroughly disgusted when he noticed that his favorite dinosaur in Vernal wasn't dressed in his usual pilgrim ensemble in mid-November, and he'll be disappointed beyond description if the dino has misplaced his Santa outfit as well!
6. Street lamp décor. Personally, I'm partial to the snowflakes in Roosevelt!
5. Pine trees tied creatively to the tops of vehicles of all sizes and shapes. The first couple of years after I got married, I grumbled about the Squire family tradition of cutting their own Christmas trees. I was accustomed to perfect trees from the tree farm, and for some reason, I didn't appreciate traipsing about the dusty (not snowy!) hillsides of BLM land in search of the not-so-perfect Christmas tree. Something about the tradition has grown on me, though, and I wouldn't miss the annual expedition for anything, nor would I trade in my beloved, imperfect tree for one from a tree farm. Seeing a Christmas tree atop a vehicle traveling on a Basin roadway gives me a warm, tingly feeling. If you think that sounds crazy, you've never cut your own tree, or at least you didn't try it enough consecutive years to learn to love it!
4. "Jack Frost nipping on your nose." It sounds so elegant when sandwiched between imagery like "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" and "tiny tots with their eyes all aglow." However, when out and about in the Basin, you're probably more likely to hear, "It's friggin' cold!" On a positive note, the bitter cold is a perfect excuse to build a fire, "get your Snuggie on" (as Jenn Rook delightfully explained in a previous issue of The Edge), and sip homemade hot cocoa or wassail.
3. Community events that have become cherished family traditions. For the Guymon family of Roosevelt, it's the Holly Fair, held early in November, that heralds the beginning of the Christmas season and permits the playing of Christmas music. Vernal Holly Days and Trees for Charity, the live nativity in Ioka, the Enchanted Forest, and the community Messiah concert in Roosevelt also usher the Christmas Spirit into the Basin.
2. As much as I hate to emphasize a sadder note…Longing for loved ones missed.
Servicemen abroad; missionaries in distant lands; students, newlyweds, and other family members and dear friends with inadequate funds for plane tickets; winter storms that prevent travel; and especially loved ones who've passed on are sorely missed at Christmastime. Fortunately, I've observed that in the Basin, the majority of people deal with the void by reaching out to someone who is even lonelier than they are.
A big thanks goes out from the staff at The Edge to those who are serving our country and laboring to preserve our freedoms as well as to their families who are missing them during this special time of year.
1.Officers in uniform shopping with children, sub-for-Santa trees with all the names taken, and other evidence that we live among generous folks. Basinites are exceptionally generous toward their neighbors who've fallen on hard times. My friend Rachelle told me how she remembers one year as a small child when she received 2 dolls for Christmas and her younger brother 2 trucks. That was all they got, and after they opened the 4 gifts, their parents told them to choose 1 of the items to give to a needy family nearby. They each chose 1 of their toys, got in the car with their parents, drove to the home of a family with even less money than they had, and delivered 1 truck and 1 doll. I believe there are businesses, families, and individuals making great sacrifices to see that children and their families are cared for at Christmastime.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and/or a warm December 2011 to all our readers from The Edge Magazine
Twas the night before Christmas and up at the Pole,
