By: Angela Hanberg
Twas the night before Christmas and up at the Pole,All the reindeer were cranky and tired and cold.
The elves all had blisters, the toys were half done
And the thought of the holiday has lost all it's fun.
Santa had had it, he'd about lost his mind.
The whole blasted schedule was running behind.
"Oh why oh why oh why me" he moaned.
"I never should have tried this alone."
See, since the beginning of time it's been the same
Santa huffs and puffs and goes over every name
Every year, making lists of the good and the bad
Thinking, 'Surely this time will be the best they've had.'
But every year, by hook or by crook,
The folks will complain when they don't get a Nook
Or an iPad or Kindle and sometimes it's worse
The grumble and mumble over a designer purse.
Chimney's are non-existent it seems,
And the ones that are left have surely not seen
Any type of a chimney sweep for many a year,
Poor Santa gets soot clear up to his ears.
Cookies and milk are the fav but you know,
This new-age health fad is starting to show.
Try as he might, Santa can't seem to gag
The kale and the tofu and the lettuce that sags.
But he tries, oh he tries, it's his job don't you know
To trudge through the deer droppings, ice, soot and snow
To deliver the gifts we insist that we get
(Cause you know if we don't we just might pitch a fit.)
Santa's work day begins January 1st and ends 357 days later on Christmas Eve. I don't know of any other employment in the entire world that requires 24/7 dedication with only one week off during the year. When he's not overseeing his crew of elves and the production of Christmas toys, he is keeping a close eye on each and every one of us and revising his list as he sees fit.
Because Santa believes in free range, the reindeer are allowed to roam freely through the town, eating and "releasing" wherever they see fit. Not a day goes by that Santa doesn't leave his house only to step in a big pile on his front walk.
You may or may not realize this, but elves are known for their tempers. Being the size of a typical toddler, they also have the attitude of one as well. Think of spending never-ending days with hundreds of elves pitching tantrums typical to the "Terrible Twos." Trying to keep up with the technical advances of the last 50 years, most times they cannot MAKE the toys and gifts that Santa delivers, so they spend a lot of the year traveling the world, looking for the best deals on the latest must-haves. Ever wonder why it's so hard to find that newest model of iPod a week before Christmas? Now you know! Elves have the sole responsibility of making sure the North Pole is stocked with these goodies, and NOBODY is in a good mood after spending that much time fighting the crowds in Walmart. We won't even mention the breakdowns that occur when someone changes their mind a week before Christmas...
This doesn't even start to cover all the rough parts of Santa's job, but when put to a vote, we decided that Santa Claus has most definitely got the dirtiest job of all. For more information, you can contact him by mail at Santa Claus; North Pole. Or you can also watch him on radar Christmas Eve night at http://www.noradsanta.org.
